halfofMyL1fe….

Hermm it late at night and i just felt like writing these ….first of all its a new year therefore ….happy new year guys….There are quite a numbers of things that changes my view of life during 2006 and i realli appreciate that and hope more changes for the better will happened to me …..i’ve learned so much ….i wondered why i only realise it now i mean when i’m 18 …guess that’s when folks call a person ‘grown up’ giggle…..anyway !!!!’proceed’ I realli have learned alot ….i realised why people must die ….that is one of the questioned i always asked myself when i was little ….imagining wat will be after i die …will i see my family?? or ‘bom’ its just the end and all i see is BLACK…..dat’s make me petrified ….and then all of a sudden i got the answer ….God make human die because he wants us to know how much life meant!!!!without an ending people tend to take advantage and that is what we are all living in now ….i eventually felt relieve plus satisfied and understand what does life meant ….we aren’t here for nothing …..not just be here and wasting life …..we are here to spend our life with values and memories so we are able to treasure towards the end thus have no regrets at all …..dat is why in life everything ends after seconds …..because we are suppose to treasure the moments and set it into memories when we leave this world …..and therefore that makes me again realise that money isnt the main priority in my life …..you can call me insane but i didnt know why ….all of a sudden i assume i have this serious disease and might leave the world in 6 years time …..i really put myself in this situation …seriously i wasnt lying …surprisingly that makes me realise tons of things …..i realise how much my family meant to me and what love really is …..during that 6 years all i wanna do is watching every steps of movement my family is going through …being there for them all them time ….because i might loose them in minutes and might not come back to this "once in a life time journey"….and that makes me think how fortunate i was for having them …..my dad the one who support me finacially and emotionally …my mom the one who scolds me all the time perhaps that is how much love that was to me ….my brother the one who often find me irritating but love me secretly without knowing ….and my sister the one i often bully but still allow it to happened …..eventually i really felt like a devil …i mean it ….dat’s because i was being so ignorant….last but not least …my grandmother ..the one i have abandon after being a teen …i really miss her so much ….she was the one who protects me from everything ….she is the one who prepare breakfast ….sent me to kindergarten …..waiting for me …..spoiling me"i am a spoilt brat" ….all of a sudden i just realise how much my family and love really meant to me and money is just something that lead you further from these…..why???people love money …i mean i do it too….but it isnt the most important …..what if u are leaving the world in 6 years time and you are a millionaire but you didnt treasure your life with memories during the past …..Are you regret because you can’t spend the money …or you are more dissapointed that you might never get a chance to repay your love one …..now tell me ….is money everthing ….let me make things straight ……Money is not everything its just some materialistic sources for sinners like us to live on …..so spend your money with love while you are still alive …..make your love one happy …stop being stingy and money minded ….it gives you no good….HEALTH is what more important than money ….without health you are nothing …but without money ….you have love and that will lead you to make more money ….AGREE??????Basically what i am trying to say is …..stop being so materialistic and money minded ….i mean i confess …i was ….but never…..i have learned something for the better i guess ….besides that …i use to be a person who realli cares what othes think about me …i reallyy do but now call me a bitch i dont give a damn……why must people judge when they themselve are being judge every minute ….just be yourself and you will find RESPECT…..you have to find yourself to feel respect….i mean …just be who you are ….and not what the world want you to be …because end of the day you are living for your on ….the world is neutral ….we make things happened …so dont let it control you ….but …come on "opposite pls"….lol….i am still trying to change …i mean i am not perfect ok!!!….but at least i am willing to accept and change…..and one last thing thks to some hypocrites for making my life better…..you loose…and i love u ….

Herm ….feeling differend after working in Topshop for 3 months ….learned many different things plus experienced something that i have never thought of ….i felt realli grateful for that …Sigh ….what i am doing now is just sitting down looking and the monitor thinking how to express my feelings ….How i wished time could just hold for a long time till i say go ….i have many things to think but do not wanna waste so precious time that we all had ….i will be going to college in a week time …hopefully it will all be just as i had expected ….i am currently feeling lonely ….feeling lost …..feeling afraid of loosing something in life …..sometimes i just wished i can be like some folks who are so relax …free who doesnt even cares if the skies falls ….but i definitely cant …because i have tried many times  as a results i only see hair falling down ….In life i believe we can never be a nice person ….as i have experienced  i think its more like a drama …..its not that they dont wanna be real ..but the worlds force them too …but sometimes this makes me wonders ….must we act so much in order to succeed …i mean we are not in a drama …we are living in reality …cant we just be who we are and life can just go on like that  ….. perhaps i was being really naive about this ….but fortunately i believe i still have a few friends that is really true to themselves and also me …and i am really grateful for that ….i am not saying i am a ‘nice’ person but i am trying to be one to cut downs the crowds ….. and one more things i just felt that appearance is really important …but many said NO….hermmm …i will love to be with those folks who said NO ….Whispering (because i look in the mirror often)….giggle ….hermmm …nah i dont mean that …its just that i feel down and really sorry for myself because i am not appreciating what i have and wanting for more ….why ??? i mean why humans always tend to wantt more then what they already have ….i mean what they have isnt that bad …come on!!! ….Sometimes analysing life could be really interesting ….and i thing i found the answer ….because we are living in one sinful world ….and that includes me …i am a sinful folk …..never will be perfect but will try to be the best ….i hope i am able to achieve what my goal is …..